Image from www.irishhealth.com

A very good friend of mine is experiencing major heartbreak right now, which got me to thinking about the oft-repeated quotation: “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

But is it better really???

If you have loved and lost…

1. You’ll have first-hand knowledge of how wonderful it is to love and be loved. But the moment you lose that love, you’ll spend the rest of your life looking for the same euphoric high. If you get a second chance, well and good. If you don’t, you could end up wishing you never knew what it was like in the first place.
2. Things will never be the same again. It’s just like finally having known the freedom, ease and convenience of having your own car, then suddenly having to take public transportation again. Sucks, huh?
3. You might spend the rest of your life pining for your lost love.
4. You’ll forever be haunted by the “what-if’s”.
5. You could end up a cynic.

If you’ve never loved at all…

1. Ignorance is bliss. When you don’t know what you’re missing, it won’t matter to you if you never find it at all.
2. But then again, you’ll forever be wondering what the hype in all those movies, paperbacks, telenovelas and love stories is all about.
3. No man is an island. And things can get pretty lonely when you’re solo far too long, especially when friends start living their happily-ever-after’s one by one and you start feeling like an extra finger on a glove everytime you go out with them couples.

Share with me your thoughts on the subject, people!

The twins are so much better today, thanks be to God! They seem to be responding well to the expensive new medication prescribed to them by their paediatrician. As proof of that, for the first time in days, they slept through the night last night. I was shocked to wake up before 7 am and realise that I, too, had some 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep :D

Feeling totally energised by my 7-hour recharge session and the fact that the twins were still sleeping at 7 am, I immediately grabbed the opportunity to have a short run on the treadmill while listening to the radio. As I scanned stations, the deejays in Mix.FM caught my attention with their topic for the day: if you could turn back time or go back in time, at what point in time would you like to go back to?

Now that really got me thinking. But it didn’t take long for me to come up with an answer. If I could go back in time, I’d definitely like to go back to the time when I was in university. The reason is simple: I made many life-altering decisions and choices — both direct and indirectly — at that time. My choice of major (a.k.a. concentration), for instance, eventually determined my career choices.

I’d also want to go back to that point in time just so I could change my relationships with people, to be nicer and kinder to anyone and everyone. I’d force myself not to feel so shy just because I was a probinsiyana (budak kampung) so that when people reached out to me in friendship, I could and should have reciprocated their gesture. Yes, I was shy, mahinhin, di makabasag pinggan (Tagalog, literally: ‘can’t break a plate’), pijak semut tak mati (Malay, literally: ‘an ant wouldn’t die if I stepped on it’) and all that. But I’ll save that for another post sometime :P

So…what about you? If you could go back in time, at what point in time would you like to go back to?

I’m off to Jakarta again today. The bigger kids are used to the routine by now and don’t seem to mind one bit. In fact, they even look forward to having their Lola sleep over for two nights.

As for the twins, I also told them Mama will be in Jakarta and that Lola will be sleeping with them. Naturally, they said ‘okay’ like they always do when I tell them that Mama has to go to work. But what was I expecting? They’re just two-year olds who have no understanding of distance. Two-year olds who will still call for their mama for comfort when they wake up in the wee hours of the night…

So it came as no surprise when I found myself, once again, torn deep inside when I dropped off the twins at their playschool this morning. I had to restrain myself from running after Twin1 as he rushed to join his friends in the see-saw. I was smiling and waving as I watched Twin2 go up the stairs all by himself so confidently (holding on to the banister, as I’ve always taught him) but, deep down, I was crying.

How I wish I never have to leave my children while they’re still small and so dependent on me… How I wish I can just keep on holding them…

Why doesn’t parting ever get any easier?

When Lola asked me to join a swimming class with her Monday and Friday nights, I readily acquiesced. First of all, I definitely need the exercise. Secondly, I’ve always had the feeling that I may have been doing a lot of things incorrectly all these years (which comes as no surprise, given that I learned most of what I know about swimming within just one weekend way back when I was a freshman in high school). And thirdly, have I mentioned that I really need the exercise?

I’m enjoying the lessons a lot, no matter how exhausted I am most Monday nights. And even though I skipped quite a number of sessions for various reasons, I’ve actually made some progress. It helps that the classes are for ladies only (no feelings of self-consciousness), taught by a lady instructor (feeling very comfortable with her), and are conducted way after working hours (enough time for me to get the kids settled).

What I didn’t expect was that I’d end up being so philosophical about the whole thing and actually find time to reflect on some life lessons that I’ve learned alongside the actual swimming lessons, in between (mini) laps in the pool. The lessons are far from original. In fact, I’m sure you’ve read about most of them somewhere. But they are as applicable in real life as they are in the swimming pool.

Lesson #1: Do it right the first time. It takes a bit more of effort, but your life will be so much easier in the end. When to blow, when to breathe, how to breathe, how to move your arms and legs — each movement counts because they will form the foundation for more advanced movements.

Lesson #2: It’s much, much easier to learn something new, rather than try to unlearn or fix something that you’ve been doing wrong for so long. It turns out I’ve been doing my flutter kick (as basic as that!) wrong all these years and it took several sessions for me to correct it :(

Lesson #3: Practice — with a lot of patience — makes perfect. I had difficulty synchronizing my breast stroke with my frog kick and the only thing that worked was practice, practice, practice. One day, I just found myself doing it!

Lesson #4: It’s never too late to learn something new. Lola will testify to this ;)

Lesson #5: You’ll get by with a little help from friends. They call you up to remind you about classes, they cheer for you when it’s your turn to jump off from the (*gasp*) deep end of the pool, and they’re always there to listen to you talk endlessly about relationship issues, foreclosure help, bad choices, or perhaps just to brag about your kids or exchange information about the latest sales on shoes.

Lesson #6: Each one of us is unique. We all learn in a different way and at a different pace, so don’t go about comparing yourself with others or you’ll only end up either discouraged or feeling smug.

Rule #7: Some things have to be learned one step at a time. You can’t start doing freestyle if you can’t even do the flutter kick properly.

Lesson #8: Life does offer certain shortcuts, but they come at a price which you’ll have pay sometime later in life. See Lesson #2!

Lesson #9: Sometimes, it’s worth paying a bit extra (like anti-fog lenses for goggles) but you’ve got to keep the line between ‘necessity’ (goggles) and ‘useful and worth paying for’ (anti-fog) and ‘nice to have but can do without’ (the latest, most high-tech design, probably meant for professional swimmers) clearly delineated at all times.

Lesson #10: Quitters never win, winners never quit. If you quit your lessons, you’ll never learn to swim. Enough said!

For ladies who live in KL and are keen on learning how to swim, contact CONSIST at 03-41089355 and ask for Puan Zalina. Course fees, as of this writing, are RM250 for 12 hours of lessons. When you register, ask two other friends to register with you so that the three of you will get a 10% discount. Or so I heard.

Classes have recently been changed to Monday and Wednesday nights. The time slots for the classes may vary, depending on your level.

Quick Update (08.08.08): There will be no classes in August and September. Classes will recommence after Hari Raya holidays in October. Final date to be announced later. 

I love going through old photographs and seeing the similarities between my kids.

Exhibit A:

The boy on the left is MyEldest — who still needs a new nick! — the day he turned 1 year old in 1999. The boy on the right is Twin2, circa 2007, when he was just a little over a year old. I find the resemblance so uncanny. One can be mistaken into thinking that they’re one and the same boy, don’t you think?!

Exhibit B:

The boy on the left is RoundBoy, the boy on the right is Twin1. Both photos were taken this year. There’s just something about those eyes…and those lips…that gives me a strange feeling of deja vu!

I wonder how the twins will look like 5 years from now? Will they look more like MyEldest? Or will they resemble RoundBoy more?

But the biggest question of all is: how can it be possible for identical twins to look so alike at times… and look so different in other occasions?