There’s a bug going around and the twins have caught it. It’s the dreaded trio of colds, cough and fever. The colds get their noses clogged, so they end up breathing through their mouths. And when they do, inevitably, dust and other irritants go into their sensitive throats and lungs, leading to a coughing fit. The fever only adds to their discomfort. You think it’s bad enough caring for one toddler? Imagine having to care for two!

I hardly slept the past two nights because the twins kept waking up. It’s either the cough bothering them so much until they end up vomiting, or the fever making them fitful.

Then there’s husa in Cebuano a.k.a. mengigau in Malay. It’s what happens when kids play too much or laugh too much during the day especially when it’s too close to bedtime. They end up crying suddenly in their sleep for no apparent reason, tossing and turning while saying things like ‘Itu Adik punye‘ (That belongs to Little Brother) or ‘Adik, Abang tak nampak‘ (Little Brother, Big Brother cannot see). All the while asleep! Kinda like a temper tantrum, except that they’re sleeping. It has nothing to do with their illness but it just makes things a lot worse.

DH tried to help me, believe me. But what was I to do? The twins only want their Mama. The maid can’t even get past the bedroom door without the twins screaming ‘Tak nak Kak Amah‘ (I don’t want Amah) in a voice so loud, they could probably be heard by the neighbours all the way at the end of the street.

I’m quite used to the sleepless nights by now (hint: why else would I name this blog ‘Sleepless In KL’?) but I detest the unsightly side effect that I get whenever I’m sleep-deprived — pimples! And I’ve yet to find an acne cream that works for me.

So until the twins get better, the posts that have been forming in my head will have to stay in my head — stuff like my daily dose of crème brûlée, resetting my goals, cowboys in KL, and my review of Mandara Spa in Angsana Bintan and Prince Hotel KL.

Gotta go! I think I hear Twin1 crying!

To MyEldest,

It seemed just like yesterday when we welcomed you into this world — all 3.85 kg (8.47 lbs) of you. Your long, thick eyelashes were the first thing that everyone noticed as they peered into your scrunched up chubby little face.

You were the most adorable baby ever, often mistaken for a Eurasian. And, as most first-born babies go, you were one of the most photographed, as well. Even if it meant buying rolls and rolls of film every time. If only I had a DSLR camera already at that time!

Unfortunately, ‘adorable’ didn’t necessarily mean ‘easy to take care of’. Getting you to go to sleep was a major hurdle, especially for the first 8 weeks of your life. On those days (and nights) when I couldn’t get you to go to sleep, Uncle B would take you into his arms and sing to you Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” until you’d fall sleep. It was either that or taking you for a drive, which always worked for as long the car kept on moving. But the difficulties never made me love you any less.

You started standing when you were just six months old. And walking at 11 months. Your first word was ‘babu’ (ball) and you loved to play with wheels. Not cars, but wheels! When your grandparents bought you a toy car that you could ride on, you rode it a lot but you played with its wheels a lot more by turning the car upside-down and spinning the wheels with your chubby little hands.

Fast forward to 2008. Suddenly, I see in front of me a boy who’s almost no longer a little boy, even though you’re still as cheeky as ever and you still make funny faces when in front of a camera. You’ve grown so big and tall. You now ask questions that I don’t always have the answers to. Very soon, you’ll be at the cusp of adolescence. Has it really been 10 years already?

I love you very much, MyEldest. I don’t care what people say or what you say, but you will always be my baby boy.

I’m off to Jakarta again today. The bigger kids are used to the routine by now and don’t seem to mind one bit. In fact, they even look forward to having their Lola sleep over for two nights.

As for the twins, I also told them Mama will be in Jakarta and that Lola will be sleeping with them. Naturally, they said ‘okay’ like they always do when I tell them that Mama has to go to work. But what was I expecting? They’re just two-year olds who have no understanding of distance. Two-year olds who will still call for their mama for comfort when they wake up in the wee hours of the night…

So it came as no surprise when I found myself, once again, torn deep inside when I dropped off the twins at their playschool this morning. I had to restrain myself from running after Twin1 as he rushed to join his friends in the see-saw. I was smiling and waving as I watched Twin2 go up the stairs all by himself so confidently (holding on to the banister, as I’ve always taught him) but, deep down, I was crying.

How I wish I never have to leave my children while they’re still small and so dependent on me… How I wish I can just keep on holding them…

Why doesn’t parting ever get any easier?

I love going through old photographs and seeing the similarities between my kids.

Exhibit A:

The boy on the left is MyEldest — who still needs a new nick! — the day he turned 1 year old in 1999. The boy on the right is Twin2, circa 2007, when he was just a little over a year old. I find the resemblance so uncanny. One can be mistaken into thinking that they’re one and the same boy, don’t you think?!

Exhibit B:

The boy on the left is RoundBoy, the boy on the right is Twin1. Both photos were taken this year. There’s just something about those eyes…and those lips…that gives me a strange feeling of deja vu!

I wonder how the twins will look like 5 years from now? Will they look more like MyEldest? Or will they resemble RoundBoy more?

But the biggest question of all is: how can it be possible for identical twins to look so alike at times… and look so different in other occasions?

I’ve been writing about MyEldest in several posts in the past and I’ve always found it weird referring to him that way. I mean, there’s no issue if I’m the one talking about him. But when people want to make a comment, how should they refer to him? “MyEldest”? “YourEldest”? Either way, I find it weird.

Trust me, I’ve racked my brain time and again to think of a more fitting pseudonym for him. ‘FirstBorn’ did come to mind in the past, but I thought it sounded a bit too formal. I was also tempted to refer to him as ‘The Original Baby Boy’ (because I used to call him ‘BabyBoy’ when he was a baby) and just shorten it to TOBB or something but I eventually decided against it. Knowing how tech-savvy my son is, I know it will only be a matter of time before he stumbles into my blog and I don’t think he’ll appreciate that nick. And when he does find my blog, I hope he’ll think - ‘Cool! My mum blogs!’ ;)

And speaking of computers, I seriously believe that boy is A-Computer-Whiz-In-The -Making. He started off awfully young with computers, banging away on his grandfather’s laptop to play ‘Jumpstart Baby’ and ‘Jumpstart Toddlers’ when he was just a little over a year old. Nowadays, his friends always call on him for help whenever they find themselves stuck in a certain level in some computer game. He signed up for a Gmail account without my knowledge and he got his Lola all confused when he changed the settings and moved things around in her desktop. When I introduced him to the basics of HTML, you could almost see a light bulb light up above his head, like in the cartoons… but I discontinued the lessons because he started asking me about his own website, a responsibility which I feel he’s not ready for yet.

And there are just too many facets in his personality to pick out only one aspect and use it as his nick. For instance, I thought about ‘WalkingEncyclopedia’. Because he is one! He soaks up information like a sponge and likes to spout off random facts and figures at the most inopportune times. “Mama, do you know that if you leave a photocopying machine on at night, it will use up enough energy to make 5,300 A4 copies?”. Or “Abah, do you know that aliens exist?”. He will then give a lengthy, detailed explanation on the subject.

Or how about ‘InquisitiveOne’? Because he is one very inquisitive boy. He loves to learn how things work, reads the book “How Stuff Works” from cover to cover countless times, and loves watching TV shows like ‘MythBusters’ and ‘How Do They Do It?’. Once I told him about how a chilli pepper’s heat is measured in Scoville units, when he suddenly asked me “But how much, exactly, is one unit? Is it grams? Liters? Milliliters?” and I had no choice but tell him to Google it up. I wouldn’t be surprised one day if, out of the blue, he’ll ask me stuff like “What are Ebac dehumidifiers for?” which, considering, is not as difficult as one question he once asked me when we were at the checkout counter of a French hypermarket. He pointed at the row of…err…prophylactics which were displayed on shelves just under the chocolate bars and asked me what those things are for! To buy myself some time to think of a suitable answer without going into too much detail, I told him we’d talk about it at home. In the end, I just told him that it’s something that adults use to prevent pregnancy!

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