Juggling Motherhood & A Career

Foreword: I wrote this article for a Polish magazine called ‘Voice For Life’. This article was originally written I wrote it in English, then it was translated into Polish by Ms. Alicja Babkiewicz and published in the January 2009 issue of ‘Voice For Life’ the said magazine.

I hold a senior position in a Malaysian company that is in the manufacturing sector. My job entails long hours, dinner meetings, meetings during weekends, and a lot of overseas travel. So when people find out that I’m also a mother (and to five children at that!), they always ask me in amazement how I manage to do it.

After considerable thought, I narrowed down the three main factors that are the key to making it work for me:-

1. I am committed to make it work, without losing sight of my main objective. In order to succeed in anything, one needs to work a lot, sacrifice a bit, compromise sometimes, but never lose sight of the objective. This applies to motherhood just as it can apply to sports or business or any other endeavour.

When the twins were born, I took a year off from work. And that year off from work made me realize that, even though I love my children very much, I’m not meant to be a stay-at-home mother. Despite my decision to work, however, my children remain my first priority.

My biggest constraint is my time. Putting in long hours in the office means that I get less time for the children or for myself, for that matter. This is where most of the compromise and sacrifices come in.

First of all, every chance I get, I spend time with the children. And whatever little time I get to spend with them, I try to make the most of it. The 15-minute drive to school in the morning can be spent talking about how to tell the age of a tree by looking at its rings…or explaining to them in simple terms how car loans work. If I get up half an hour earlier than usual in the morning, I make them something special for breakfast. During weekends and public holidays, I bake cookies with them, even if it means having to deal with 5 extra pairs of hands in the kitchen.

And since I’ve got very limited free time to divide between the children and myself, I’ve made some small changes in my leisure time. For instance, I used to watch movies the moment they come out. Now, I watch them on DVD or in the plane on long-haul flights. Another example is the salon: I used to spend hours and hours every time I go to the salon. Nowadays, I still take care of myself but I eliminate the nice-to-have-but-can-do-without stuff. Or I do my treatments when the children are in a school program, when I know that I’m not missing out on spending quality time with them. And ever since I started running this year to improve my general fitness level, I either schedule my runs very early in the morning before the children are up or late at night when they’ve all gone to bed.

I may be a working mother but I am a mother first. I never forget that.

2. I am blessed with an excellent support system that I can rely on. This is a very important aspect in holding together my motherhood-and-career juggling act. For example, in the middle of a make-or-break meeting with a very important client, I might get a call from my son’s school, asking me to fetch him because he’s burning with fever. I can’t leave the meeting, but, at the same time, I’ve got to find a way to get my son home and get someone to attend to him once he’s home. This is when I need help and this is where my support system comes in — my husband, my mother, and my extended family.

First of all, my husband has always been very supportive of me. While he pushes me to be the best that I can be in my career, he also understands that I am, first and foremost, a mother. He always insists that I get the children settled first before I attend to him. Not all men are like that and I am thankful for that!

Then there’s my mother, who conveniently lives just five minutes away. I rely on her a lot. She checks on the children whenever I go home late because of a traffic jam or some dinner meeting. She also stays with them whenever I go overseas for yet another business trip.

Then there’s my extended family: my brothers, my sister, my husband’s relatives, my close friends, who help me out perhaps by something as simple as fetching my children from school whenever I can’t make it.

Finally, I’m thankful to have found a reliable live-in maid, who looks after my children as though they’re her own.

3. I am lucky to live in Malaysia. I strongly believe that being in Malaysia makes it easier for someone to start and raise a family because of several reasons:-

3. 1. Malaysia’s Pro-Family Government Policies. The Malaysian government puts every effort to put the family’s interests first. For instance, Malaysian women are entitled to 60 days paid maternity leave. (Hence, most Malaysian babies are breastfed exclusively for the first 2 months of their lives.) Fathers are entitled to a 7-day paid paternity leave. And, if you’re a woman working for the Malaysian government, you can even opt to take a 5-year non-paid leave to raise your child. (It used to be 90 days only, but has been extended to 5 years starting September 2007.)

3. 2. Affordable Healthcare. The cost of giving birth in Malaysia is relatively very cheap. If you give birth in a public (i.e. government-funded) hospital, you only pay a mere €1 to €2 for a normal delivery without any complications. Delivery by caesarian operation costs less than €100. Even if you choose to go to a private clinic or hospital, packages for a 2-night stay in a 4- or 6-bedded ward cost around €250 for normal delivery or €500 for caesarean operation. And for female employees in managerial positions, many companies include maternity fees in the medical benefits package.

3. 3. Affordable Childcare. After delivery, it’s possible to hire ladies who will bathe the baby, cook special meals for the new mother, massage the new mother, wash the baby’s clothes during the 60-day period after birth (referred to as ‘confinement’ period, because during that time, both mother and baby are expected to stay at home only). These days, there are even special ‘confinement’ centres,  something like a cross between a hotel and a hospital/nursing home where a new mother can check in with her new baby and have their needs all taken care of for 60 days. Different options are available to suit all sorts of budgets.

And by the time the new mother has to go back to work, she has many options, as well. Some companies offer in-house daycare facilities, such as the International Islamic University Malaysia, where lecturers can leave their babies and toddlers for a very minimal fee during the day. This gives them the opportunity to check on their children anytime and/or breastfeed their babies in-between classes.

It’s also quite easy to find elderly ladies or stay-at-home mothers (usually in your own neighbourhood) whom you can hire as baby sitters. You just drop off their child on your way to work, leaving behind some clothes, disposable diapers, feeding bottles and milk, then pick them up on your way home.

It’s also very affordable to hire live-in maids, usually from Indonesia, Philippines or Vietnam, whose salaries start from as low as €80 per month.

Sometimes, a mother need not look too far – her own mother or mother-in-law who has already retired is usually more than happy to take care of her own grandchild.

3. 4. Family-Friendly Society. Shopping malls and restaurants in Malaysia welcome families. Restaurants offer family meal packages, kids’ meals and promotions for kids (e.g. kids eat free if accompanied by two adults) and usually have baby high chairs ready. Major hypermarkets provide trolleys equipped with infant seats. A Swedish furniture store offers an enclosed indoor playground for children to play in while their parents shop – for free (never mind if it’s only for an hour).

The result? Malaysia has one of the highest birth rates in South East Asia, second only to the Philippines. Large families in Malaysia are common. It’s considered ‘normal’ to have 3 or 4 children. A family with 5 children is considered big but won’t really raise eyebrows, as there are even families with 6, 7, or even 10 children. Little wonder then that MPVs and vans enjoy brisk sales in Malaysia!

Interesting fact: According to statistics from the Department of Development of Women, Family and Society (Kementerian Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat), some 10% or 24,300 out of 243,000 civil servants aged between 18 and 39 years old give birth every year. And this does not include the private sector yet!

 In conclusion, I believe that it is possible for a woman to successfully pursue a career and, at the same time, achieve the pinnacle of motherhood: i.e. raising children into secure and successful individuals. I am living proof of that — my mother has always worked all her life and I never felt neglected as a child. Now, my daughter tells me that she’d like to be a teacher when she grows up and that, once she has her own children, I can take care of her children in the same way that her grandmother takes care of them now!