So Exhausted, I Can’t Sleep

Have you ever felt so tired and so exhausted…but you just couldn’t fall asleep? Even though every fibre of your being is  screaming for rest?

This happens to me a lot whenever I’m travelling. Which is really a shame because that’s about the only time I get to sleep without any of the twins waking up for a diaper change or to ask me for some milk in the wee hours of the morning. (*Sigh* Yup, they’re members of the International-Federation-of-Toddlers-Who-Still-Hang-On-To-Their- Feeding Bottles-And-Are-Not-Quite-Ready-To-Be-Toilet-Trained-Yet.)

I used to blame caffeine for this most irritating inability to fall asleep after a long day in a foreign country. You know they always serve an endless flow of coffee and tea during meetings? (Who started this practice anyway?!) Yup, I told myself. That must be it. So I put my theory to the test and limited myself to just one cup of coffee per day. I’d even take it early in the morning. But it didn’t help. Not really.

Then remembering how Lola would always fall asleep in front of the TV, I’d try turning on the TV and looking for some show to literally bore me to sleep. But I’d only end up watching a rerun of a movie that I’ve always wanted to watch… and going to bed at 1 or 2 am. (Quick note: When I say ‘Lola’, I’m referring to my mom. Everyone calls her Lola — my children, my husband, my mother-in-law, even our neighbours and her colleagues!)

So I’d try just lying down, keeping perfectly still, with my eyes tightly closed. Kinda like the little trick I always use on my kids — “You don’t have to sleep. Just close your eyes and rest.” And the child who initially resisted taking a nap would always, always, always end up falling asleep. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t work on me either. Even with my eyes shut, my mind would refuse to shut down. Those clouds I saw from the plane window would have made a fantastic shot. I wish I brought my camera with me. Hmm…maybe cameras would be cheaper in Jakarta now that the Rupiah has dropped a lot. Muja should have gotten himself a Nikon. Even NASA uses Nikon what?? They even sell Nikon rifle scopes now. What’s next? Nikon contact lenses? Haha!

In the end, I’d give up, get up, take my laptop, answer emails, send memos, go through documents. You know — do some work. And I’d pound away at my keyboard until  my eyelids start getting heavier and heavier at their own accord… and sleep would mercifully come at long last.

What puzzles me the most is this: whenever I’m at home and it’s time to get the twins to go to sleep, I’d lie down with my human pillows on both sides of me, and I’d almost always find myself falling asleep before they do! Maybe I just miss my babies whenever I’m away from home. Yup, that’s it. I just miss my babies. The working mom’s usual travails…